If I were to choose a word to best describe my life right now, it would be “change.” On the outside, and without disclosing a lot about my personal circumstances, this change may seem negative. But contrary to what people may think, I knew that each decision I made was carefully thought out and would bring me more long term happiness.
Change is hard. Sometimes I feel like my path is straight and my direction is clear. But other times I feel like there are yield signs, wrong turns, and even roundabouts. When you’re in the midst of change, I think it’s natural to second guess if you made the right decision. And I have to remember to not be so hard on myself. I am on a journey, and there is a reason I had to make each of those hard decisions. While I sometimes question each decision, I know that there is a greater purpose for me than is dependent on prior goals and dreams. Part of what God is teaching me is that your dreams sometimes change. It doesn’t mean you quit them, and it doesn’t mean you failed at reaching them. It just means that He has put a different desire in your heart, and you have to be okay with accepting that, even if that dream was all you once knew.
I try to be strong, and for the most part I think I’m handling change really well. But when someone asks what happened and I break down, it’s a reminder that I may be pushing down emotions of how life is really affecting me. I am an individual first and foremost, a human being who changes as the seasons change, but is ultimately rooted in His love. I am no longer afraid to make hard decisions in life because I have seen how good they can turn out. It hurts like hell in the moment. Hell, it hurts like hell for a while. But as tough as walking away may be in life, it is sometimes for the better. I can confidently say that these changes have made me reevaluate a lot of things in life. And while it’s tough, change is necessary. Change should be welcome. It’s taught me to trust in Him when I have a gut feeling. It’s taught me to put Him first. So I urge you not just to “change.” But I urge you to “change” your perceptions and your hesitations on “change” itself.
I have to remember that I am 19. I am changing constantly: what I like and dislike, what I look like, what I want to do in the future, and what I choose to spend my time and energy on. There are plenty other examples but those are the first that come to mind. Each part of me is changing and maturing everyday. Change should not feared; it is a natural part of life that we need to learn to embrace. While the change itself may not seem good, I hope the change brings you closer to being like Him and treating others like He would. Change for the better and for the Kingdom, not just because Instagram or reality tv says you should change.
Most of all, I want to encourage you. You… whoever is reading this. You will go through change. And your change in your life may look different than my change based on the phase of life you’re in. But no matter the case, we all go through change. Recognize it. Embrace it. And do your best to stay positive during it. You are seen. You are loved. And you are by no means alone.
Thank you, God, for this humbling time that I get to experience change. Thank you for making it difficult but also something I can get through. Thank you for giving me a great community that has surrounded me and encouraged me through the hard times. Thank you for opening my eyes to the little things that make me happy: music, balconies, mornings, and reading. Thank you for this “beautiful adventure” of uncovering my strength through You.