And Even If…

I’ve been participating in a Bible Study with some of my volleyball teammates since last year. Our first study this season is entitled “Get Out of Your Head.” I cannot emphasize how impactful this video series has been. We find ourselves thinking one negative thing, one lie from the Devil, and then we spiral out of control. Our minds are a weapon, and they are more powerful than we’d like to admit. We’ve been learning how to fill our minds with Truth and battle our chaotic minds with each passing thought.

This week, we were given a challenge. We did some individual reflection activities, but then we were given a task to complete before the next study. We were to ask at least two people that are close to us “In what area(s) of my life do you think I need to mature?”

If that hit you like a boulder, join the team. I grew up with siblings who were 10 & 14 years older than me. I’d always been called mature for my age. So when I heard this question, my immediate response was pride.

Let me cue you in on some of my thoughts that all came to me in a matter of seconds: “I don’t think ‘mature’ would be a good way to word it…that would imply I’m immature in an area of my life.” “Lauren, be real, you already know good and well at least one area you can ‘mature’ in…you talk about this all the time.” “Ugh, but if I ask someone these questions they’re going to think that I don’t think I’m mature and so they’ll in turn think I’m not mature.”

That right there is a spiral (insert laughing emoji). No, but for real…why were my initial thoughts concerned about what others thought of me or the particular wording of the question? Why was “maturity” seeming to trigger that response in me?

I think I quickly came to the realization that it is OKAY to be immature in specific things. Immaturity shows imperfection. Imperfection is inevitable. We are not called to live in that state. We are called to grow. But we also can’t change this ourselves: we must rely on God in order to reveal how to mature.

I have tried and tried and tried to mature in some areas of my life…areas that are personal. And unfortunately I continue to make mistakes and hurt people. But I also continue to revert to old habits when I know God wants me to create new ones. God wants me to trust in Him and His timing, yet I reveal my immaturity when I trust in myself more than I trust in God.

These close, trusted friends revealed things to me that I was familiar with in my life. However, I was not pushed to fully acknowledge them until this week. Our pride gets in the way and clouds our vision. I knew I was immature in these areas, but my stubborn heart didn’t want me to DO anything about it. But as Christians, we are only as strong as the weakest, most unaddressed parts of our heart. How can I expect to help others grow in their faith if I don’t fully acknowledge I also need to grow in mine?

I knew I wasn’t perfect. I know I’m still not perfect. I also know that my human heart can be arrogant, stubborn, and judgmental. These are the worst parts of me. That is who I am without Jesus. But thank the Lord we DO have Jesus. Because through the Holy Spirit, He revealed to me that I AM that way, but I don’t have to STAY that way. When we acknowledge the faults in ourselves, it becomes a lot easier to have grace for others. It becomes a lot easier to extend mercy and forgiveness because I know what I am like when I forget to have a mind that’s set on Him.

I think sometimes I do well encouraging others and speaking life into them. “God wants you and your full attention.” “You were created by Him, and He knows every intricate detail about you.” “God has a plan for you, and it is okay for you to live day by day trusting Him but still not understanding what it is He has called you to.” But then I struggle to apply this to my own life. I think what I need to remember is the “And even if…” phrase. Let me explain…hopefully you’ll find it useful as well.

And even if I don’t ever get married and have a family…God still loves me more than anyone on this world could. And even if I change my career plans five times…God is still constant and directing me on a path that will lead to rewards in Heaven. And even if I’m immature…God still has the power to shape, mold, and restore my heart.

We all have worries and fears and situations we need to address. But instead of asking “well what if _______?” I challenge you to make it a statement by saying “and even if…” “Well what if I suffer from an injury and can’t play the sport I love?” vs. “And even if I get injured and can’t play the sport I love, God still sees me as worthy and having a purpose.” Go even further and speak Truth into your mind every time you find yourself battling your thoughts. Learn how to fight the spiral and immerse yourself in His goodness.

Abba, Father, thank you for this Bible Study that has become a regular part of my routine and has consistently spoken Truth into my life. Thank you for those that participate in it and for those that were willing to speak to me about the immaturity in my life. I pray that my heart does not become hardened or immune to the redemptive power of You. I pray that we all acknowledge our imperfection but also acknowledge that growth is a necessary, yet never ending, journey. Thank you for this “beautiful adventure” of awakening. After all, “And even if __________, You are still good.”